I could not see the lord but lord could see me
I was born on 5th of November 1983 and was residing at BARC colony Anushaktinagar, Mumbai. Since the age of 5 I had a severe ear pain & asthma which gave me & my parents many sleepless nights. In 1996 I suffered from Diplopia for which I was admitted in Jaslok hospital Mumbai where a tumor was detected the in anterior cranial fosse of my brain. Five unsuccessful biopsies were done to diagnose the tumor. On a trial and error basis, they tried two different chemotherapies & later advised to go further for radiotherapy. We refused and opted for Ayurvedic treatment.
Around the same time I befriended some Christian people who I found to be nice & amicable. I started attending prayer sessions in church occasionally. They even used to visit my home & have prayer sessions. I found their prayers and concern for my health really comforting & uplifting but after some months of sweet talks they started blaspheming Hindu gods. My schooling had taught me that Hinduism is mythology but still their overt criticism of Hindu culture disturbed me. So I stopped meeting them & visiting Church altogether. I later realized that this display of care & concern was a covert attempt at proselytisation.
When I reached the 8th grade in school I enrolled for a Reiki course in Mumbai & much to my astonishment the 12 year old daughter of my instructor diagnosed my tumor problem with the exact location of the tumor without any prior knowledge of my ailments. I personally experienced the healing power of Reiki & this made me believe that there are certain higher powers which transcend our sense perception.
Still there were lots of questions brewing up in my mind & in 1998 I came in touch with Narendra Swami Maharaj of Nanij, Ratnagiri. His lectures really skimmed that layer of doubts about the existence of God in my mind & I was very much attracted to him. In fact my whole family was inspired & in 6 months we took initiation from him.
“Whenever & wherever you get a chance to acquire spiritual knowledge you should grab it.” –Narendra Swami
In 1999 I got involved in the weekly programs of the Divine Brain Trust, Swadhyaya Parivar founded by Pandurang Shastri Athavle. Here I got lots of love and first exposure to Bhagavad Gita.
I had simultaneously started listening to Anand Murti Guru Maa and Sri Asaramji Bapu. I never missed any of their satsang programs in Mumbai. I was impressed by Guruma’s kirtans & philosophical presentations. I also loved ‘madhur madhur naam hari hari om’ sung by Bapuji. Through all this a firm conviction was planted in my heart – that the vedic literatures are not mythology.
In 2001 calamity struck again & darkness loomed into my life, literally. I was studying for my board exams (12th) then & I realized that I could not read my textbooks properly. Within ten days I lost the sight of both my eyes – percent. Both the eyes were shut closed and eyeballs could not move. All this was accompanied with a loss of speech along with inability to eat or drink & severely unbearable headaches. Whatever little liquid I would take, would come out through the nose.
Again, I was admitted to the Jaslok hospital and I went through two unsuccessful biopsies; however, they were not able to diagnose the tumor. Specialist suggested the opening of my skull for the further analysis. My father refused stating, ‘I will let my child die at peace and at home rather than experimenting’.
We were all utterly disappointed & helpless.
I have heard of great quote “When all the doors in life are closed, God opens a new one”. And in 2002, the door of hope opened for me when a specialist doctor suggested that I take ‘Panchagavya Chikitsya’ treatment. We tried this & later he also did some of the Shudhikriyas from Shatkarma of Yoga. He also taught me some breathing techniques. Miraculously, within 2-3 months I started speaking a few short words though my neurosurgeon had said my loss of speech could not be revived. Not only did I regain my speech but also the ability to eat a little at a time without the leakage of food through nasal cavity, my eyes started opening, eye balls could move & my headache subsided.
Within two years all the symptoms of the diseases disappeared. I am now as healthy as any other normal individual is though I have not regained my eyesight. But I am happy that I got relief from all other complications. Taking Gomutra has become a routine.
As I was getting better, a few friends invited me to attend the Nirankari mission programs in 2004. I attended many lectures of Nirnakari baba and understood their concept of bramhan but I don’t know why I wasn’t satisfied at heart with their explanation.
One time I went to take some medicine from Suchit dada who happens to be the brother of the famous Aniruddha Bapu. I remember the first time I heard Aniruddha Bapu’s lecture in Bandra. His talk was making sense until he said that very soon there would be the 3rd world war & how his devotees would be saved! And he unabashedly mentioned that he consumes meat and smokes cigarettes also. To my utter dismay & shock, people started clapping. Was this a sign of honesty or just unembarrassed, unblushing admission of one’s vices? I personally felt that this was something to be repentant about not to be applauded about or to proudly & audaciously proclaim about. I left that place never to visit again.
Then I visited the ashrams of Gagangiri Maharaj in Khopoli, Radhanagari & Gaganbawda in Kolhapur & met him personally many times. I got to hear how he miraculously saves his different followers from various difficulties. Sometime later I visited Putta Parthi to take darshan of Satya Sai Baba. There I heard the entire documentary explaining how Sai Baba is god predicted in different scriptures & religions. The whole city was well maintained. It was full of temples of different gods & goddess & churches & mosques. But worship of Sai Baba was ubiquitous. I’d heard a lot about Sai Baba’s miracles – taking ashes in hand & producing Shiva Linga or sometimes making gold chains or watches out of it. Technically these miracles are called ‘siddhis’ . And I was not really attracted by all of this because I had heard that these are just by products on the path of self realisation. One must be cautious to not get distracted or trapped by them.
It brought to my mind the story of a yogi who had achieved the skill of walking on water through years of austerity. This yogi went up to a self realized saint & asked his opinion on the siddhi he had achieved. The saint replied compassionately, “All you learnt through years of austerity was to walk on water? The boatman will ferry you across the river for a few pennies. Your life is meant for self realization. You don’t need to work so hard to achieve a few pennies worth of siddhis.”
Next, I learned Siddha Kundalini Yoga from Avadhoot Baba Shivananda. It was about meditating on the Saptachakra & evoking our Kundalini shakti. After that I went on to explore Prajapati Bramhakumaris. They say that Kali yuga is going to end soon & that Raja Yoga is the only valid path. They also say that Vedas are man-made even there is any truth in Vedas it is like salt in a flour or very little because all vedic scriptures are contaminated & more importantly, the knowledge that they give is directly coming from God. I used to ask them many questions but I hardly got reasonable answer or a satisfying one though my questions many times were trivial. Once I asked how only human soul can accept human body when Buddha mentions about his 1000 lives & how he also mentions his birth as animals. No answer. One day my friend confided to me, “Don’t ask too many questions. You can’t see but there is a frown on their face every time you ask them something they can’t answer.” But what could I do? My spiritual thirst was increasing now & there was an intense desire to know more, to understand more. I couldn’t keep mum.
I personally attended lectures of Sri Vamanrao Pai of Jeevan Vidya mission whose books I had read already. This man based everything on logic & intelligence & rejected whatever went beyond that. his condemnation of deity worship, interpretation of the meaning of god, dismissal of the concept of the world being a dukhalayam (an abode of miseries) even though we experience it in personal life with the scriptural confirmation about this fact and many times going to the extent to reject vedic scriptures was not making any sense to me. I was particularly not satisfied with his dismissal of pandharpur yatra & ekadashi as superstition & the experiences of Namdev & Janabai with Lord Vitthal as mere illusions. Around the same time I met mystic God Baba – the sweet one – whatever he touches becomes sweet instantly, logically incongruous it may seem however.
Then I also had the great fortune of hearing & learning from a great saintly personality – Sri Satyanarayan Goenka. He taught Vipashana and I was very much impressed by his clear focus & simple teachings. He taught us to be detached from the pleasant/unpleasant sensations triggered by the mind on the body, witness it with neutrality detached from the conceptions of pleasure or pain, success or failure, and happiness and distress. In this way the mind gradually finds more and more subtle states of peace, and from peace compassion awakens. He emphasised on practicing dharma which meant avoiding sinful activities, increasing piety & purifying one’s own mind. I was next inspired to practice Baba Ramdeo’s yoga which proved to be very much beneficial for my health. I also had the fortune of meeting him once. I particularly admired his patriotism & his positively dynamic character. My fortunes doubled when I met Sri Sri Ravishankar personally not once but twice. His humility, soft spoken nature, loving & caring attitude was heartwarming. I did various courses at the Art of Living viz. Navchetna, Basic course (thrice!), Divya Samaj Nirmaan with Anandji.
My heart was also drawn to the simplicity of Varkaris & their Vitthal Bhakti. The Varkari sampradaya was founded by Sant Gyaneshwar who circumvented yoga & propagated Bhakti as the simplest & highest way of attaining perfection. His Haripaath & the verses of Gyaneshwari are very nectarine and was very much inspired by life and Abhangas of Tukaram Maharaj of Chaitanya sampradaya.
I was really enjoying my life knowing about different saints and their philosophies, listening to their kirtans like those of Babamaharaj Satarkar, Dhop Maharaj, Nivruthi Maharaj Deshmukh, Namdeo Shastri. I also listened to the discourses of Murari Bapu, Sudanshu Maharaj, Ramesh Bhai Ojha and Osho. I visited various organisations with my friend’s or family’s help. My physical disability allowed me to have personal darshan of saints with ease & I was taking the full benefit of it. I was happy & grateful to have association of such saintly personalities but still my heart was hankering for something more. And I really did not know what that ‘something’ was! Still, all the while I kept the sadhana given by Narendra Swami as the central focus of my life.
An introduction to Bhagavad Gita As It Is :
As the potpourri of my spiritual experiences was cooking, my friend Sharad Waman from Swadhyaya Parivar joined ISKCON. We used to have soulful discussions on spiritual topics for hours together.
Our discussions would ultimately hover around personalism & impersonalism. I used to strongly support the latter with solid arguments which would leave Sharad without any answers. But one day he showed me a quote from the Bhagavad Gita 7.24 :
“Unintelligent men, who do not know Me perfectly, think that I, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Krishna, was impersonal before and have now assumed this personality. Due to their small knowledge, they do not know My higher nature, which is imperishable and supreme.”
I was shocked & surprised. How could that be possible! Till now I had learnt that god is actually impersonal & takes a personal form for his devotee. My friend stressed that those were not his words but Krishna’s words. This was the first time he made me silent. I said I’ll check other commentaries. At first I thought it was just Prabhupada’s opinion. Then I went through at least a dozen different translation & commentaries of Bhagavad Gita & I saw that all of them gave exactly opposite translation! I concluded that Prahupada must be wrong. But his purports made me think deeper. Deeper to understand philosophy like nobody did. So I continued associating & discussing philosophy with my friend Sharad.
One day I went to ISKCON Juhu. I was sitting in a waiting room to meet a friend & could hear a conversation happening nearby. The discussion was about responsibility towards one’s parents. I heard one person say, “There is nothing great if my parents have given birth to me. If they had not given birth to me would I have not come to this world? Our real parents are Radha Krishna and our real dharma is to serve them and if parents become an obstruction, we can reject them and there is no need to serve such parents.”
“What about the efforts they took to raise you up?” Someone asked. “One of my aunt used to give me a new T-shirt every month. Does it mean that I have to repay her when I grow up?” He replied.
I couldn’t digest any of his answers. If a person is not grateful to his parents’ love then how can he understand God’s love, I thought.
After the other people left he sat down next to me & started a conversation, asking me about my pursuits & interests. So I briefed him about my experiences & inclinations.
As our discussion drifted towards Swami Vivekananda, he became very aggressive & made critical remarks.
He said swami used to eat meat. “How can you eat meat & become God?” He asked.
He wanted to show me what Prabhupada said on swamiji & started searching on computer but could not find.
The whole episode created a negative image in my mind. Swami Vivekananda may have consumed meat but this is not a way you tell others about it. This person was a celibate monk living in the monastery & such aggression doesn’t suit a saintly person, I thought.
I moved one with my pursuit & visited the Ramakrishna Mission in Khar. I asked a senior Sannyasi about Vivekananda eating meat. He said that it was true and there is nothing wrong in that. Food is for body & sadhana is for soul. He asked me to visit regularly & he would explain me how it was not wrong. Afterwards I came to know that Swami Vivekananda used to smoke Cigars also. I was clearly bewildered by now. I had great respect for his ideals but his behavior thoroughly confused me. Dissatisfyingly I left from there.
Now it was becoming extremely difficult for me to ascertain the path I wanted to follow. I was looking for something that would answer all my questions. I prayed to the Lord, “I don’t know if you a person or if you are impersonal. I only know that chanting your holy name is the best means to attain you which is accepted by both personalists & impersonalists. O my Lord please show me the right path to your devotion.”
The Lord answered my call. No, I did not have a mystical vision or something. I had just started listening lectures of Vraj Parikari Devi & Kripalu Maharaj. And I was blown away by their explanations. Their lectures mesmerized me. Such accurate presentations of shastra & each argument supported by numerous quotes from smritis & srutis. All the contradictions I felt were now resolved and I became fully convinced about the philosophy of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. This was a turning point.
When I heard Bhagavad Gita 18.65 from him, a firm conviction arose in my heart that Bhakti is the ultimate path. This was a beacon of hope for me.
Now, I stopped all my previous sadhana and started chanting ‘Om Namo Bhagwate Vasudevaya’ regularly.
The more I heard from Kripalu Maharaj, the more I was drawn to Lord Krishna. I met him personally & was considering surrendering to him. But I had a serious doubt.
Krupalu Maharaj did not have a guru. He used to say “Na Guru na chela krupaluakela” and on the contrary give lectures on guru bhakti quoting ‘yasya deve para bhakti, yahta deve tatha guru’ & at the end say surrender to guru. Not accepting a guru I felt was so incongruous with the precepts he preached. I made an appointment with Vraj Parikari Devi twice & had a long discussion with her on spirituality. I asked her that Lord Chaitanya is Krishna himself & he accepted a guru. But why didn’t Krupalu maharaj have a guru. To which she replied that nobody was of caliber to be his guru. She said that he was greater than Shankara, Ramanujam, Madhva & Nimbarka. Hence Kashi Vidwat Parishad had given him the title of ‘Jagatgurutam’ and went on justifying quoting different scriptures how nitya siddha mahapurush does not require guru. Then more discordant factors came up. He emphasised on doing smaranam& belittled the importance of kirtanam even though all scriptures recommend it for this age. He said a real guru never shows his ecstasies but his ecstasies were broadcast on television. He said one should do sadhana in madhuryabhav (i.e. in the mood of gopis) which is so difficult when we have so much contamination in our hearts. At the same time one of the lecture of Prabhupada touched me when he mentioned that one should gradually elevate one’s consciousness by first serving the Lord in Dasyabhav. When one is sufficiently purified devotion in higher rasas automatically manifests. When I heard Krupalu Maharaj’s followers proclaiming that he was Lord Chaitanya, I made the final call. I left.
I was at square one again. I did not know where to go. I felt doubtful about ISKCON. My personal experiences with them were not good. I really thought hard about this. But deep within my hear I wanted to follow Mahaprabhu. So I let go of the personal grievances & decided to give it a try. I thought I shouldn’t be judging the whole organisation based on a few people’s behaviour. People may be imperfect but an organisation is defined by its philosophy & I found no aberration in the philosophy of ISKCON. Srila Prabhupada with his genius & vision established a wonderful platform for practicing spirituality. Especially conducive for spiritual growth were the temples which were full of devotees with whom we could consult any time.
I was particularly captivated by Harinam Sankirtan & I kept tending to this little creeper of attraction. The roots of this creeper were seeping deep into the core of my heart. I would sometimes try to restrain myself from this attraction thinking that I would lose taste for whatever sadhana I was doing at that time. But I couldn’t contain myself for long. I got fully involved in sankirtan.
I had a heart transforming experience sometime later. The memory of this experience inspires & rejuvenates me even today. It was Feb 2007 in Sri Sri Radha Rasbihari temple. I was taking prasad with some friends. Then out of the blue a devotee came up to me & asked me why I came to the temple if could not see. I pondered over his question & thought what to answer. After a few moments he himself answered. “Don’t keep quiet when someone asks you this question. You should say that I may not be able to see the Lord but the Lord can see that I have come to take his darshan.” His answer was simple but it touched my heart. I understood that the actual concept of darshan is that we come to the temple not to see but to be seen by the Lord. The Lord is more pleased to see his devotee. His answer satisfied my heart to the core. I never felt like this before. I did not really know the goal of my quest for the spiritual truths till then. But his answer made me realize that the goal was – ‘how to satisfy the Lord’. And it came in a simple yet heart touching way. I soon had to wipe the tears out of my face.
Now I feel if I can remember this incidence at the time of my death or if someone somehow reminds me, it would be much easier to remember Krishna.
After this incidence I devotedly joined ISKCON & from March 2007 I started chanting 16 rounds of Hare Krishna Mahamantra. Still I was searching for a person who possessed the qualities mentioned by Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu as ‘trinadapi sunichena’. I heard about His Holiness Radhanath Swami from devotees. I started listening to his lectures & developed a certain affinity for hearing him. He never criticized anyone in his talks. Many devotees had strong opinions about mayavad & demigods and I had heard enough censure of these from them. To my pleasant surprise in one lecture HHRNS first begged forgiveness from Indra dev, glorified his position & narrated a pastime which puts Indra in bad light. He said that he narrated the story because it was given in Bhagavatam. This unpretentious, unassuming nature of his attracted me a lot. Though sitting on the Vyasasana he says it is his privilege to serve the listeners. He says “real sadhu is not that who take higher position to uplift fallen souls but he take lower position than fallen soul and push him up gently”. This temperament was a paradigm shift for me. It was out of the box!
Gradually from more association & hearing I came to understand the glory of this personality & I could see all the qualities that Mahaprabhu mentions were in him.
Now I had the full satisfaction of knowing : the path I wanted to follow & the right spiritual guide. I felt the Lord had answered my prayers.
I would like to share a wonderful experience. In July 2007 I started getting epileptic seizures. Till 2008 it was very intense & I used to have up to 20 seizures in a day. I was agonized by the physical & psychological pain it inflicted upon me. I was feeling gloomy after the attacks. I felt emptiness within me & I cannot really pen down the feelings I had post those attacks. I was completely drained out. By Lord’s grace I got to attend a prerna lecture entitled ‘Email to Knee mail’ given by His Grace Gaur Gopal Prabhu. His wisdom flowed with his wit. He mentioned about the importance of prayer in his lecture. I was hooked. The next month he again gave the Prerna lecture entitled ‘A holiday that turned into nightmare’. Again he mentioned the importance of prayers & in a humorous way mentioned that when allopathy, homeopathy & naturapathy, etc fail, go to Tirupati. One striking point of the lecture was that if Krishna is giving problems in life, it means He is trying to say “My dear friend this material world is not for you. Please return to me quickly.” I was enlivened to hear this. This point was so pertinent. What happened next is deeply etched into my heart & I pray that it stays for the rest of my life. Prabhuji started leading the kirtan. And there all the boys were, more that 1000 of them – all swaying rhythmically to the beats & the sound vibration of the Holy Name. The intensity of the frustration of my physical & mental pains piqued my emotions. I just burst out crying & praying. Some devotees took me to the centre of temple hall &said “Come on friend! Please don’t waste your tears. Dance with us” Then they graciously started to teach me the dancing steps. I was so moved by their kind gesture & by Krishna’s mercy. I was pleased to witness these young boys were dancing trying to give pleasure to the Lord whereas outside boys of same age indulge in so much nonsensical activities. The whole kirtan I cried a lot & danced also.
The next day I experienced a miracle. Did my epileptic seizures stop? No. But now after the attacks whenever I remembered my experience in the temple, I chanted intensely. This gave me the strength to fight the frustration & anxiety & the psychological pains. And this was way better than any miracle I had experienced in my life. This reminds me a conversation I heard from the book The Science of Self Realisation, that one time Srila Prabhupada was asked by a non-devotee to demonstrate a miracle. Srila Prabhupada’s reply was, “My miracle is that I have changed hippies into happies.” I felt so happy when I heard this. Now due to medicines my epileptic seizures are in control.
The most inspiring aspect of ISKCON’s philosophy is it’s pragmatism. Unlike other organizations, I did not get any false hopes & promises of obtaining wealth or getting rid of problems of life here. His Grace Gaur Gopal prabhu, in one of his lectures gave a wonderful analogy of a plane. As the plane picks up altitude, the things below look puny & insignificant. So also by following Krishna Consciousness we can elevate our consciousness to such a level that these material miseries become insignificant for us. He explained that however we try the material world will not change its intrinsic nature that it is ‘dukhalayam ashashwatam’ – a temporary abode of miseries. So the difficulties & the hardships remain but we have to transform and elevate our consciousness. This was so practical!
One time a few devotees came up to Srila Prabhupada & asked for permission to publish some people’s experiences in temple that included getting a job, a son & a marriage. Srila Prabhupada rebuked them & asked not to publish such things. He explained that the purpose of the temples was to attract people to the Lord not to the material world.
Quite often people in different organizations used to allure me by saying that you do this & that and you will regain your eyesight. But in Krishna consciousness nobody told me that you chant & you’ll get vision. I was rather told that you chant sincerely & you’ll achieve Love of God faster because you can’t see this tempting world. Still in the initial days I really felt bad that I could not have the darshan of Sri Sri Radhagopinathji, the glories of whose beauty devotees always used to sing. But after thoroughly understanding the finer precepts of Krishna Conscious philosophy through association & hearing, I realised that in one sense it was nice that I couldn’t see. If I had eyesight I would’ve taken darshan of Gopinathji for say some minutes, or hours. But I would also have taken more darshan of maya!
So I go in front of deities so that the Lord can see me and I ask devotees around me to describe about the dress, colour & the beauty. As far as me seeing the Lord, I see Him by chanting intensely and I have full faith that the Lord will surely reveal his transcendental form in the name Himself and I will surely see not only Gopinathji but all deities of ISKCON by chanting holy name because Lord’s name, the deity and form are non-different.
“naam, vihgrah, swarup ye tino ekroop tino bhed nahi tino chidanand roop.”
My gratitude now flows to the lotus feet of SrilaPrabhupada who painstakingly laid the foundations of the philosophy of Krishna Consciousness with the authentic conclusions of the past acharyas of the Gaudiya Vaishnava parampara. I am inspired by his life, example & teachings. Most impressive to know are his personal dealings & interactions with both devotees & non devotees. Till now I had seen people become angry out of ego or irritation but whenever Srila Prabhupada became angry with someone it was due to his deep heart-felt compassion just like a mother chastising her children is an act of love. Once in a mock debate in New Vrindavan (1976) he was discussing with some devotees posing as scientists and calling them rascals frequently. So, one of the devotees posing as scientist protested why he called them(the scientists) rascals. Instantly, Prabhupada’s mood became light from grave & with a smile he said, “Because I love you & I can’t see you suffering. Please develop your love for Krishna & go back to the spiritual world Understood you rascal?” This made me laugh at the same time revealed to me his heart.
Whenever Srila Prabhupada criticized anyone, that person came closer to Krishna. I also learnt that we should not imitate him.
satyam bruyat priyam bruyat na bruyat satyam apriyam
priyam ca nanrutam bruyat esha dharmah sanatanah
“Speak truth in such a way that it should be pleasing to others. Never speak truth, which is unpleasant to others. Never speak untruth, which might be pleasant.”
We can became instrument in Prabhu Pada’s compassion. We can use our passion in fulfilling compassion of Prabhu Pada by bringing people more closer to Krishna. We can speak truth without considering concequences of speaking it. But there is another way by which we can try to bring people close to truth. We should think twice before speaking that whether our words will bring the concerned person closer to Krishna or will it repel them away.
I haven’t lost touch with Narendra Swami who guided me in my initial pursuit. One time I met him personally & discussed about Bramhan, Paramatma & Bhagvan tattva & I was touched by his open admittance of the fact that he had realized impersonal Brahman but didn’t know if there was something beyond that. I everyday pray to Lord Chaitanya to shower his mercy upon him also. I gave him many Prabhupada books to read. I don’t feel disconnected from him rather I have a better appreciation for all the saints I met for that matter. I am really indebted to each of them for having taught me valuable lessons in life.
With the blessings of devotees I got married & have two children both of whom were named by HHRNS viz. Jayaram & Manjiri.
I am very greatly indebted to and inspired by His Holiness Radhanath Swami, His Grace Gaur Gopal prabhu, Chaitanya Charan prabhu.
I thank many devotees like Sharad Waman prabhu to bring me in krishna consciousness, Radha Gopinath prabhu, Sudama prabhu, Sridama Sakha prabhu, Satnarayan Prabhu, Ramgiridhari prabhu, Gokuleshwar prabhu, Krishnagaur prabhu, and Kaushik prabhu for inspiring me in devotional life very much and guiding me personally. I am also grateful to my family members for supporting me in every aspects of life.
To get human life is rare; to have spiritual inclination is even more rare. Even if we have spiritual inclination to be on right path is rare and being on right path & to follow it is most rare.
I beg for blessings from all vaishnavas for I do not want to be so unfortunate to lose this invaluable opportunity to perfect my life.
Please bless your insignificant servant,